Did I ask you?

"OMG you've lost so much weight you look fantastic"

Whenever I hear this phrase it makes me very uncomfortable. Let me try and articulate why...

Did I ask you?

On a serious note, did I ask you? So wait, what? The flattery you gave me plus ten pounds ago was false. Now I should take this 'compliment' as truth, because loosing weight is synonymous with looking good, and what happens when I fall off the wagon and gain weight again? Actually back to my original point, Did I ask you? 

It's about to get really honest right now. I've suffered from painful insecurities my entire life. I still do, I've just learnt to handle it better. I remember sitting through endless conversations with my mum, listening to her begging me to see what she saw; why she couldn't understand why I was declining yet another invitation to go out because I felt too fat or too ugly that day. As a result my self esteem would always balance on what someone else thought of me. Dangerous I know, but a reality for many people, myself included. That's why your opinion on my body whether well intentioned or not is not wanted, or invited. 

I guess saying someone lost weight is a compliment. If I haven't discussed any efforts to loose weight with you why do you now feel comfortable to talk to me about my body?

Now I may be very very alone here in my views, some people thrive on others' opinion. Good or bad I don't know, but for me, if I'm going to be completely honest with myself this is how I feel. Consequently, I don't give any unsolicited comments on anyone's weight, because weight does not equal beauty. You were beautiful before, you're beautiful after and your weight had nothing to do with that. 

Wow. I feel liberated writing this. Again, I'm here worrying about other people's thoughts, worrying about offending people. And that's ok, this is my truth and it may not be yours.

Emerzy Corbin

Emerzy Corbin