Denial .... Selflessness or stupidity

Have you ever been in a situation where you have put up with something that wasn't right because you thought you were being selfless .... We've all been there. Toxic work environments, unbalanced friendships ..., I myself, after a crazy experience growing up, have always been afraid of conflict. Afraid of stepping out of line and doing something that I wanted. It was always easier to follow the grain, tread the line. As result I have made a lot of life choices doing the things that I thought were expected of me, no pressure there ... Coming from an African home, whether explicit or non explicit, it was there. It's a blessing that my mum, by African standards, is very liberal. "Do whatever you want Phil", she would say "just do it well". And I lived by that. Academically and professionally.... But how about personally; in the areas of your life that can't be graded and outwardly assessed. Self esteem and the consequences of that. 

Contrary to popular belief it's not easy to judge another's self esteem. Especially when personal denial of a situation runs so deep that one believes it as their truth. Keep telling yourself it's ok and it will be ok ... Sound familiar? Come on guys don't say no, I can't be the only one, but that will be our little secret. When does being selfless about a particular situation become stupidity.... I don't know if there is a scientific answer but for me, I learnt quite recently: it's when you hurt and loose yourself in it. Even becoming selfish in your question to be selfless. The irony... Trying so hard to be good and perfect you become bad in the process. Its like 'forgiving' someone. I forgive you, I really do but somewhere inside it lingers... Growing as a resentment until gradually it starts to reemerge in your behaviour... your actions and your speech. Are you turning into the old Mrs Haversham?


LIFEPhilomena Kwao1 Comment